After a morning text chat with a friend...you know who you are, thanks!...I've had an epiphany about my anxiety.
I've felt "weird" about the spa for several months. (And I can't believe it's been MONTHS already.) But I get very nervous and anxious and panicky whenever it's time to go there. I feel like a child who just wants to shut her eyes until it's over with, because if I can't see it, it's not happening.
The spa is where I got The Phone Call. The You-Have-Cancer phone call. I LOVED that place before that phone call. I would sit in there for hours doing absolutely NOTHING. Now I feel afraid to be there. I love my clients and miss them dearly. And when I think back to all the work that I put into the spa, I feel terrible for neglecting it.
It's time to get it together. It's time to make that place mine again. It's time to get back to loving my safe place. It's not the spa's fault I happened to be there when the call came in. So now I've got to get back in there and make more good memories to overshadow the one crappy one. I will not let my little slice of Heaven on Earth be ruined by one ringy dingy.
I'm thankful for everyone who's been patient with me and my sickies. Hope to see you all soon!
<3 H
