What would you say to your daughter?

Tonight I chatted with a friend who's in an unhappy situation.  I've been there.  We've all been there.  But how do you get out of "there?"

Consider this your GPS.

Our minds are set up to protect us, believe it or not.  If you're unhappy, then your mind is sending you warning signals to fix it!  Pay attention!  That's the easy part.

The two hardest parts are admitting that YOU are the only one who can change your current situation and then taking the steps to do it.  This is especially true if you're feel stuck in a rut.

DUUUUUDES!  You have to spend FOREVER with you.  You better find something pleasant and worthwhile about yourself or it's going to be one long life.  Stop waiting for other people to validate you!  You're setting yourself up for some major disappointment if you're hanging all your stars in someone else's sky.  

Set some standards for yourself and the people around you.  Decide what you deserve from yourself.  Decide what you deserve from others.  When your expectations aren't met, have a plan for what you'll do. AND THEN DO IT!!!! Don't make false promises to yourself.  Don't BS yourself.  Do what you say you're going to do.  

Be your own best friend.  What do you expect from a best friend?  Loyalty?  Integrity?  Honor?  Support?  Love?  Sincerity?  Time?  Attention?  Truth? Trust? ACCEPTANCE?? Be those things for YOURSELF.  

What would tell your daughter if she were in your shoes?  What would you tell your daughter if she had a BFF treating her the way you treat yourself or allow yourself to be treated by others?

NEWFLASH!!!  You're someone's daughter.  You're someone's friend.  You're someone's mother, aunt, cousin, mentor, leader......

You deserve no less than anyone else you love.  Love yourself like I love you.  The rest WILL fall into place, I swear.  When you carry yourself with confidence, others will be confident in you.  

Fake it until you make it.

<3 H

This is my pilgrimage, I'll cry if I want to....

Let me first acknowledge all of the support I have received from my amazing friends.  "Amazing" is such a bastardized word these days, but I truly can't think of a better way to describe you all!  When I post about my test scores and my GPA and the big words I've learned (and actually know how to use), my friends are the ones who are there, clicking their encouragement.  It means more than I'll ever be able to explain.

Not a single member of my immediate family ever bothers to be encouraging to me.  Yep.  I'm whining and I don't care because it chaps my ass.  It only takes a second to click "like" on facebook.  It only takes a few more seconds to post a comment, "Way to go!  I'm really proud of you!"

Maybe it wouldn't bother me so much, but every time I *do* see or talk to any member of my family and I start to tell them something, they always say, "Oh yeah, I read that on facebook."  So I KNOW they're reading my stuff!!!  Is it possible that they are missing every post I make about my progress?  Sure, I guess.  I have beach front property in Iowa I'll sell you, if you believe that.

I hope I haven't passed this "tradition" on to my children.  I hope I've instilled in them the need for one another.  I hope they aren't ever as separated and disloyal as we are to one another.  It's heartbreaking sometimes.

But on the other hand, when this is all said and done.....I did it on my own.  I don't ask anyone for anything.  No one pays my bills.  No one makes my decisions.  So, a big fat middle finger to anyone who deserves it, if you think it's you, it probably is.  And a big effin wet slobbery kiss to the lips to anyone who deserves it.  I hope you know who you are.

Crybaby exit stage left.

~H

Another Edition of the Heatherland Chronicles

I've struggled my whole life to find my place in the world.  I'm sure I've mentioned that before.  There isn't much I haven't tried, daycare, retail, hospitality, geriatric care, cleaning, crafting, etc.  None of it ever seemed to keep me interested for very long.  I'd get pretty good at it, feel that I'd learned all I could, made decent money, and then I'm bored.

I was reading a book called "The Obsidian Mirror" not too long ago.  The author, Louise M. Wisechild, is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.  Her childhood was much like mine, so I was captivated by her journey.  Part of her journey included massage therapy. Her career specialized in reorienting other survivors with "good touch" through massage therapy. SAY WHAT?!

I'm not a touchy feely person at all.  Hugs make me cringe, kissing gives me the gags, I'm not a hand holder.  I know this stems from my abuse.  (YAY for therapy!)  I actually have to MAKE myself do those things with my husband and children.  (It's me, not them....I think they've learned that.)  I go through a whole mental process to talk myself off the proverbial ledge and ease my anxious mind about touch.

Ok, back to the book....there really is a point here.  I started having vivid dreams about ME doing massage therapy.  I could FEEL myself in my dreams working on people.  People with actual skin.....that *I* was touching.  I could smell the air in the room where I was working.  The dreams were pretty pervasive, night after night, even after I stopped reading the book.  For me, the vividness and repetition of the dreams meant something greater than just my subconscious being a nuisance.  (I'm so Freudian.)  So I brought it up to Punky.  His reaction is always the same, "I don't care what you do, babe."  But then it was followed by, "Are you sure you can handle all that touching?!"

Everything hinged on that one "minor" detail.  There is no part of my latest career that doesn't require INTENSE contact with other human beings!  So I prayed a little, meditated a lot, read a ton of blogs and asked a lot of questions.  I don't just have an aversion to human contact.....it's damn near a PHOBIA.  Touching has actually elicited panic attacks in me before, racing heart, shaking, feeling the urge to run, and on some occasions even crying.  How in the hell am I EVER going to be a massage therapist?!?!?!

Eff it, this dream meant something and I'm taking the leap.  I'll figure out the details later!

So here I am, a month into school.  We've had hands-on practical teaching from the first week.  I haven't freaked out once.  Not ONCE.  And I even have to touch FEET and BUMS!  (Which, incidentally, I rock at!)

It just dawned on me today *WHY* I'm okay with this.  I'm the one in control.  It's not the touching that has freaked me out all these years.....it's the fear of loss of control.  But when I'm giving a massage, I'm in control of the entire situation.  And I'm fairly confident from the responses I've received thus far, that I'm doing a phenomenal job.  I was told that I'm a natural!  A Natural Toucher!?!?!?!?  SHUT.  UP.

But I absolutely LOVE that I can be in charge of a positive touch in others that brings about relaxation and tranquility.  There's nothing oogey about this touch.  And to top it all off, I've always been someone who can make others feel comfortable (I think, lol) because I can talk to anyone about anything.  Being able to make others feel comfortable with my personality and then being able to make them feel relaxed with my hands......I honestly think I've found my niche in this world.  In all honesty, my new career path ties all the pieces of my past into one pretty package that I can take with me anywhere.

Sans a few bad days, I love my life.  And all the people, new and old, in it.  <3

Does Effort = Success?

I'm having a heavy sort of day.  First of all, this weather sucks.  Secondly, I haven't hardly been home much in the last three weeks.  That's weird for me.  Home is my favorite place to be.  And....I'm carrying a little guilt again, because I can't be all things to all people.

All of this makes me angry at myself, because I KNOW that's reality.  There are only 24 hours in a day and attempting to stretch that is futile.

My whiny line recently has been, "I'm sorry, I'm trying!"  I'm trying to be a good wife, good mother, good friend, and to start a new career.  Today, my best isn't good enough for me and I feel like it's not good enough for those around me either.

Does effort ever really equal success?  Is trying the same as doing?  And does one ever stop letting people down?

Apparently I've found a dark path on my Pilgrimage to Heatherland.