Taken Over

Some of you have already read this because I've been sharing it privately a bit over the last day or so...but I'm so overwhelmed with it, it's just bubbling over.

So many changes have happened in my life in the last couple years.  Some good.  Some bad.  I've had some difficult relationship issues with friends and family.  Some have stayed, some have left...and some have just taken up residence in my heart, others are closer to me than ever before.  I've come full circle with a career choice that I love (and thankfully a forgiving boss ;) ) and should the need arise, I can be completely self sustaining.

And now this cancer business.  I was angry for a bit, then sad, then scared...all the normal things you'd expect.  But now I've been taken over by gratitude.  I'm grateful that I've allowed myself to let go of so much of my mistrust of the world.  I don't feel constantly cynical of all things mushy.  I'm thankful that I've allowed myself to let out all the kindness that I usually feel on the inside.  This has allowed all the other things to fall into place.  I believe all the changes over the last couple years have happened for a reason.  I believe it's been a gift to me so that I might be able to manage the things happening to my family right now.  All the tumultuous garbage and things I thought I couldn't handle made me tough enough to handle the worst possible thing I could ever imagine facing.

I just believe now.  I just have faith now.  I believe, once again, that I'm going through what I'm supposed to be going through.  I don't believe I deserve the bad, but I do believe I deserve the gifts I've been given.  My self-made family, my dream of my own business, my loving husband and children, and the rest of my support system.  I deserve those things.  And because I'm thankful for them, I know they're here to stay.

There are some other fairly scary issues happening right now.  They're not my details to share, but please know that my family would appreciate and accept any and all good thoughts and prayers and magic and whatever it is you're into to get us through the next few months.

Much Love,
~H