I have a plethora of ideas to fill the space I'm taking up on the internet. Mostly I just think about my 35 year journey to find myself. My childhood was less than stellar, filled with lies, emotionally absent family members, and abuse. I've spent years trying to have an identity outside of that menagerie of chaos. My path has included all sorts of terrains, always (until recently) self destructive. Drugs, crappy relationships, worthless friendships, and a chip on my shoulder the size of Texas.
Recently I've had my Oprah moment. The AHA! in my life that has turned nearly everything around for me. Oddly enough, dropping out of "real college" for the fifth time was the best thing I've ever done for myself. I was schooling myself to be everything I can't stand in the world, someone who has to follow rules and conform to things they don't necessarily believe are right, in order to make a living.
Recently I've had my Oprah moment. The AHA! in my life that has turned nearly everything around for me. Oddly enough, dropping out of "real college" for the fifth time was the best thing I've ever done for myself. I was schooling myself to be everything I can't stand in the world, someone who has to follow rules and conform to things they don't necessarily believe are right, in order to make a living.
Make a living. What does that REALLY mean? What good is life if we only do the bare minimum to survive, leaving no time or energy for feel good moments? Is all the money in the world worth anything if we can never enjoy the time it took to earn it? There has to be a way to be productive (bleh, totally subjective word I'm not fond of but for the purpose of all being on the same page, we'll go with it) AND to enjoy my life! Another AND....teach my children that they can be respectful of others' lives while living their own and doing their own thing. I want them to be everything I haven't been in the first 34 years of my life. Dress funny, have crazy hair, tattoo your body, have your own religion, or don't ever do any of those things......but most importantly DEFINE YOURSELF.....don't let anyone or anything else define you. You're in charge.
This is my Pilgrimage to Heatherland. I am a sacred place. And this has been one long journey, but I'm finally getting to the beautiful parts. It's all been worth it.
pilgrimage:
1. a journey to a shrine or other sacred place
2. a journey or long search made for exalted or sentimental reasons
Loves,
Heather
awesome girl! you can do this! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks! I have a lot kicking around in this mind. And facebook is getting so messy for having "real" thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure how many people will read this, but who cares.
no kidding. for me, it is just a relief to get it out of my mind and "on paper" so to speak. i think with blogging you can express yourself better and more fully.
ReplyDelete