Restless....

I'm a victim of my own whirly brain.  There so much to do around here, always.  And I sit and think and think about what needs to be done, what I want to get done, how I want things to be, how things will look when I'm done, how happy I'll be when it gets finished, etc.

But the constant thinking never yields any worthwhile results.  I feel like I never have time or motivation or that my projects will not turn out good enough, so there's no point in starting them.  What's wrong with me?!  

I covet other people's lives (the parts I can see anyway), instead of appreciating my own.  This isn't healthy because it never drives me to be more creative or have more motivation.  It only feeds my depression and anxiety about everything I'm not.  It's an ugly cycle I've never been able to break.

My kids are cool, my house is paid for, my husband is amazingly understanding of my inner chaos, and I drive an old jalopy that I don't have to make payments on, I work at home, and I'm reasonably healthy and intelligent.  So again I ask, WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME??

I'm not setting a great example of how to live a content life.  I can walk passed messes that would take seconds to rectify if I'd only put the effort into doing it.  But I can always talk myself out of it.  My house isn't gross by any means, but it is seriously disorganized!  My kids don't stay on track because I don't stay on track.

Soooooooo, after reading a friend's blog this morning about "just doing it" I've decided that I need make myself a schedule of daily activities.  I've attempted Fly Lady, but for the love of Jesus, who has the attention span or TIME to sit down and read all that gibberish about "swish and swipe" and "zone this or that."  I mean, seriously.....how OCD is that chick!?  --------------Oh, sorry, got sidetracked, that happens A LOT with me! Anywhoodles, back to my schedule, which I'd pay actual blood or money to learn how to stick to.  I'll be making my own simplified version of the Purple People Eater.  One for me, one for the kids.  The biggest obstacle for me/us will be our lackadaisical attitudes about "there's always tomorrow."  My tomorrows are running out because I want to feel free today. It's time to get off my butt and get real about what it takes to actually HAVE the things I want instead of just wishing for them or being jealous of the people who appear to be keeping it all together.

Wish me luck, I'm going to need it.

<3 H