When I announced my facebook departure, that's the response I received....I'll miss you. I provided 5 other options to contact me. So if you're genuinely going to miss me, who's fault is that?
I'm not someone different on facebook than I am on my other accounts. I'm the only me I know how to be, wherever I am.
The same thing happens when I go to church or see family/friends that I haven't seen in a while...."We've missed you!!" Really? Because you haven't called. You didn't stop by. Hell, you didn't even text or send a card. Not even a little pokey poke on facebook. Nothing. So if you WERE actually thinking of me, you didn't find a way to let me know.
Is our friendship really THAT important to you? Or do you think you're fooling me with your feigned affection? I'm no sucker. And I can spot BS a mile away. So stop. Just stop.
If our friendship is a REAL friendship, then let me know and I'll reciprocate. If you mean something to me, I'll let you know.....even if I simply text you a picture of something that reminds me of you, or make a funny and then we don't talk again for a while because we're busy living our regular lives. We all have circles of friends (and now, thanks to Google + we can categorize them!!), some closer than others because of proximity, familial ties, longevity of friendship, whatever the case might be.
I know, I'm all kinds of cynical. I just think it's odd that you think of someone, but never make any effort to let them know while you were thinking of them. Instead you wait until they are in your face or about to leave to let them know what you're thinking. Hmmmm.....can anyone see why this might seem a little less than sincere?
Just thinking....
H
well, I will just have to see you on here and get used to keeping touch via those other means :)
ReplyDeleteAlissa
That's what I'm talking about!! YAY!!!
ReplyDeleteLove this and you!
ReplyDeleteAng
Enjoyed reading your blog Heather. I won't miss you and you won't miss me. If and when you need me, you can find me. And vice versa.
ReplyDeleteGCan
Ahhhhh, I {heart} you, Lupe!!
ReplyDeletei got the same response heather. my thoughts are slightly less cynical though. life is crazy. months will go by without me thinking of anyone because i barely have time to pee. let alone send an email. and with getting off facebook, i know that i'm taking away an ease of communication by being "in their face" virtually, demanding attention. so i don't hold grudges or bad thoughts towards those that don't make an effort to stay in touch because i can't take that effort right now either. i figure it will be great to actually not know what's been going on in someone's life so we can truly have a catch-up time. :)
ReplyDeleteand where the heck did our +1 go on blogger??? :(
ReplyDeleteI have a couple of counter-points (shocker):
ReplyDeleteLOGICAL:
1. You can categorize your FB friends, too. They have built-in lists and you can make your own.
2. Five years of posts, pictures, and personal connections that otherwise would never have happened are on Facebook, and that's a lot to walk away from.
3. Almost everyone you know, and everyone they know, and all the businesses, news outlets and other organizations that one might wish to follow are on Facebook, which means one-stop shopping for anything and everything you care to know about, whether your level of care is a superficial passing interest or a deeply-intimate connection.
SUM: Quitting Facebook, especially after having used it extensively, is akin to buying a new house in order to avoid cleaning the one you have.
ON DEFINING FRIENDSHIP:
Approximately 25% of my FB friends can be categorized as Close, Close-Enough, and/or Family. Were I to stop using Facebook, I would definitely continue to have thriving relationships with those people...and I would be unlikely to continue having ANY relationship with the other 75%.
That, to me, is like throwing out 75 pennies because they're not as valuable as a quarter. Sure, I don't find that I use pennies frequently--oftentimes, I pull them out of my wallet and throw them in a jar on my dressing table--but my GOD they come in handy from time-to-time, and when I desperately need a full dollar, those pennies are right there for me.
They don't make me rich, but they make me enriched. I don't frequently prioritize people in the lower 75%, but I still want them around.
Casual friendships, by and large, start that way and stay that way. Now and then, one goes deeper. When we were in school, I wouldn't have categorized our friendship as "close"--it was enough that we were friendly and had fun together, but there wasn't much complexity to it. That's all changed now, and it wouldn't have happened without a communication medium like Facebook. Being privy to each other's trivialities, without being in each other's physical presence, fostered a "real" friendship. That hasn't happened with ANYONE else I've friended from school or from mutual acquaintences.
ON "MISSING" SOMEONE:
"I've missed you" doesn't necessarily mean that "I've felt a gaping hole in my life due to your physical absence"--sometimes it just means "I recall that I find you to be good company and I'm pleased to see you." To consider that a person expressing happiness at seeing you after a long time is just being polite is to discount basic human interactional courtesies. Sure, some might have an agenda--encouraging you to buy something, attend church more regularly, etc--but that doesn't mean that they're completely insincere, either. It could just mean that (to use your own words) they've been busy living their regular lives, and during the course of a day, by some random trigger, they thought of you, but you've never been close enough for them to take time out to give you a shout-out because (a)you're not important enough for them to bother, or (b)they believe that they're not important enough to you for them to bother, or (c)both. We tend to be defined by individuals as we define them.
How many times have you not followed up on "missing" someone because it just didn't take priority? Me: LOTS.
ON DRAMA:
The primary reason you've given for wanting to quit FB.
Knowing who you can trust is good. Knowing who you can't is even better. Fuck 'em. Your FB "Collective" is something you've built and cultivated over a long period of time, and that's worth something. Don't scrap it just because a handful of intellectually adolescent windbags get their knickers in a twist. Fuck 'em. Be you, OUT LOUD.
Thanks Chris. There is definitely a reason we've back together as friends-friends! You're the considerably less erratic albiet smarter version of me. And we all know how much I love me, so how can I not love you?
ReplyDelete