One month from now.......

I'll be headed to massage therapy school.  Four nights a week and all day Saturday.  My anxiety is starting to kick in about the ramifications of the whole prospect.

First, I HATE HATE HATE being away from home that much.  This place is my sanctuary.  My comfort zone. The only place I feel safe from all the icky that exists outside in the real world.

Secondly, I'm a control freak.  And I'm scared to death that my expectations for the chores and whatnot will not be met while I'm gone.  Thus, I'll be walking into a crap hole mess when I get out of class at 9:30pm.  I'm working on letting go.  It's not the end of the world if it's not done perfectly.  I should just be happy that it's done.  (I guess, lol)

And lastly, in general I'll be going to school with mostly females 15 years my junior.  I didn't like them when I WAS their age.  Females, in my experience, are catty witches.  I'll find a way to keep my mouth shut and ignore all the bs.

I have to find a way to finish this endeavor.  This career choice is practically perfect for me!  I can make my own hours, charge my own rates, have no boss, and I can take it anywhere!  It's only a 6 month program.  I think I can.  I think I can.  I think I can.

Anxiety and overthinking are my greatest downfalls.  I wish it wasn't so much work to keep myself on track.  Why couldn't I be one of those people who just seem to flow through life?  Am I kidding myself, do those people really exist?  And are they just quieter than me about their fears and exasperation with getting things accomplished?  Maybe I need to change my internal baseline for success?

How many times do I have to go through this before I FEEL successful?  Or is this what we do to our brains to keep driving ourselves?

Bleh.

Feeling overwhelmed.  What's new?

~h